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Divorced mom of two



 
 
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  #121  
Old June 27th 03, 07:10 PM
external usenet poster
 
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Default Divorced mom of two


Divorced mom of two

Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Thu, Jun 26, 2003, 7:45pm
(EDT+4) From: (Kristen313)
and what makes you think I care?
You obviously care, or you wouldn't write back with such spiteful
comments. You guys are so amusing. You have no idea how fun it is seeing
how you respond. And if anyone thinks I would actually want support or
advice from such a bunch of maladjusted people, then you are crazier
than you appear.

It appears to me that you've already made decisions about this group and
its value to you but I wonder if you've considered your unique value to
other single parents struggling with the same issues that you've
overcome in your life?
Each of us sees each other differently than we see ourselves. We may
often not like what others see in us but the level of candidness in this
group may benefit those who are willing to consider the validity of
their views. It is not a group for the weak. It is a group that will
help.

We often get the raw recently separated, widowed, and divorced single
parent. When I joined, I was recently widowed. I credit the people who
were here at the time with being honest and strong enough to not coddle
me because it helped me to confront my personal issues through the
awareness of how others see me. I learned that I had accepted points of
view that were harmful to moving forward in my life. These folks who
seemed so heartless to me at the time, were looking out for me in a way
that I didn't understand and could not see. They picked me up, booted
me in the ass and said, "yeah... boo hoo, too bad. Now get going... you
have things to do for yourself and your children." I know that next
year, when I walk for my bachelor's degree it will be in no small way
due to this unique group of people, their encouragement, and their
strength. This is not a group for people who want to continue through
life blind to how others see them. But if you want to move ahead and
you're willing to do the self work, this is a good place.

'Kate




  #125  
Old June 28th 03, 03:16 AM
CME
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Divorced mom of two


"turtledove" wrote in message
. com...

"CME" wrote in message
...

"Kristen313" wrote in message
...
My advice is to develop thicker skin

Maybe all the people who yelled at me for saying this is an

unsupportive
support group need to also develop thicker skins. After all, I was

speaking
the truth, apparently.


I think... I can't say for sure because most of the posts are gone now

(I've
been away) but from past experience, I know I get tired of hearing the

same
old bull**** from some newbies and I have little tolerance for people

who
come in he uneducated about the FAQ and NGs in particular, get

defensive
about the 'advice' they ARE given, and then lash out when it's obvious

we
don't agree with them. We are a group of people who have been here for

a
number of years and we support each other. If you take a stab at

Joelle,
or
Bri, or Tiff etc... we fight back and then anything you DO have to say

gets
lost. When you come to realize that, and cool off and STOP the attacks,
then people will see the value you may have to contribute here (I speak

from
first hand experience). But as it stands, you are just causing trouble

and
I think you know that, and no one here is going to let up, we've been

here
far too long to let someone like you, really impact on our lives.

Harsh,
but true.

Christine



((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))
I think a ton about you as well Christine. We may not always agree, but I
200% adore your sense of humor and admire your perseverance with all you

do.

smooch!!!
*bri


Ahhh... now my heart's gone all mushy. lmao So Bri, I've been in and out
for awhile, did you move to Las Vegas? How are things?

Christine


  #126  
Old June 28th 03, 03:25 AM
turtledove
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Divorced mom of two


"CME" wrote in message
...

"turtledove" wrote in message
. com...

"CME" wrote in message
...

"Kristen313" wrote in message
...
My advice is to develop thicker skin



Ahhh... now my heart's gone all mushy. lmao So Bri, I've been in and

out
for awhile, did you move to Las Vegas? How are things?

Christine


Nope...not yet. Hopefully we'll be there at the end of August. Now we're
just trying to pack and get the house ready to put it on the market. We may
even have someone interested in it already....my son's best friend's mother
is wanting to get out of her apartment and be a first time home buyer. Our
place is in the subdivision she wants, she knows the house, and knows us
well enough to know we'll have everything top notch in order to sell it...so
(fingers crossed) she's looking to make sure she's got her finances in order
to prepare to be a home owner!

Things are going okay..just busy. DS passed his test and is being promoted
to fourth grade. My husband has some steady work. School is doing much
better than I ever thought it would. And...if the weather holds out my
husband is going to take me to Key West next week for one last visit before
we head west. Key West is our piece of heaven on earth. It's hard to
explain...but it holds a special place in our hearts. It was our first big
date, and it's always been the place we go when we really need to get our
personal lives in order. He took me there a few months after the accident
as well...it really boosted my spirits. Something about the sea air and the
laid back mood of the island. I love old time Florida. I miss living next
to the ocean (raised down the coast from Cape Kennedy....think I Dream of
Jeannie houses...I grew up on and near Patrick AFB where the show was
filmed). I'm really going to miss my home and this is sorta our last
'hooray' before the big move.......

sigh....

how have YOU been? What have you been up to?

hugs,
*bri


  #127  
Old June 28th 03, 04:44 AM
turtledove
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Divorced mom of two


"CME" wrote in message
...

"turtledove" wrote in message
. com...

"CME" wrote in message
...

"turtledove" wrote in message
. com...

"CME" wrote in message
...

"Kristen313" wrote in message
...
My advice is to develop thicker skin



Ahhh... now my heart's gone all mushy. lmao So Bri, I've been in

and
out
for awhile, did you move to Las Vegas? How are things?

Christine


Nope...not yet. Hopefully we'll be there at the end of August. Now

we're
just trying to pack and get the house ready to put it on the market. We

may
even have someone interested in it already....my son's best friend's

mother
is wanting to get out of her apartment and be a first time home buyer.

Our
place is in the subdivision she wants, she knows the house, and knows us
well enough to know we'll have everything top notch in order to sell

it...so
(fingers crossed) she's looking to make sure she's got her finances in

order
to prepare to be a home owner!

Things are going okay..just busy. DS passed his test and is being

promoted
to fourth grade. My husband has some steady work. School is doing much
better than I ever thought it would. And...if the weather holds out my
husband is going to take me to Key West next week for one last visit

before
we head west. Key West is our piece of heaven on earth. It's hard to
explain...but it holds a special place in our hearts. It was our first

big
date, and it's always been the place we go when we really need to get

our
personal lives in order. He took me there a few months after the

accident
as well...it really boosted my spirits. Something about the sea air and

the
laid back mood of the island. I love old time Florida. I miss living

next
to the ocean (raised down the coast from Cape Kennedy....think I Dream

of
Jeannie houses...I grew up on and near Patrick AFB where the show was
filmed). I'm really going to miss my home and this is sorta our last
'hooray' before the big move.......

sigh....

how have YOU been? What have you been up to?

hugs,
*bri


Not a damn thing, I've been on vacation and it's nice, but boring. I'm
catching up on Y&R, doing some pleasure reading (Outlander series, I

bought
the new Harry Potter etc) and just plain taking it easy so I can hit the
books hard core in the fall. Brian's good, the kids are great, everything
is pretty good. One thing that I'm finding complicated is making the
transition from online relationship to reality... any advice on that

front?
lol

Christine



yeah, keep the online relationship going as well. My hubby and I still do.
Of course, not as much...but even though the computers are only about 10
feet away, we still send a lot of emails and are involved with each other's
online activities.

It took awhile for us to be able to open up face to face as we did email to
email....but we did and we're better for it. In fact, when he's upset he is
forbidden to WRITE me about it...he has to TELL me....

One day at a time, one step in front of the other, we just clicked at the
beginning...we've had some really rough patches, but we realize we've been
through a rather difficult year in general. He has a better understanding
of how my injury affected (effected?) my personality a bit better and he's
learned to work around it. I'm quite ADD now and my emotions still ride on
the surface pretty easy....so he's had to adjust to this new me as much as I
have. But we're going good (finally!!)

oh yeah, make time for just the two of you. Even if it's only for 15
minutes at a time. Just time where you can look at him and each of you know
how much you appreciate each other.

hugs,
*bri


  #128  
Old June 28th 03, 11:30 AM
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Divorced mom of two

In ,
CME typed:
wrote in message
. com...
In . com,
turtledove typed:
wrote in message
. com...
In ,
CME typed:
"steveb" wrote in message
...
(Kristen313) lifted the trapdoor, peered
around and wrote:

Oh, oh, oh can I be on that list??? lmao

Christine

No Christine, and now neither, sadly(?) can I. Merely by posting
here, we are now "involved." LOL



Never fear...

I've already written you both up! So, you are on MY list...so watch
yourself!!

hehe,
*b


Hmmmm. Being on the Queen B's list...is this a good thing or a bad
thing? BTW when dealing with nicknames...I used to be known as
Beasty. Long story, maybe someday I will share it if anyone's
interested.

Betsy
--
Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good
with ketchup.



Well you know you can't just leave it at that! lol Spill it girl.

Christine


OK here it goes. I began working at a local hospital on the night shift.
When my diabetes got so out of control the doctor told me no more nights, I
switched to the day shift. The first day I worked, they spelled my name
wrong when putting up the assignment. Instead of Betsy, I was called Besty.
That was actually pretty cool. "Best" nurse...Besty. Well after a couple
of weeks of being called Besty every morning the charge nurse made a slip.
Subconcious I don't really know. Anyway, the e came out long instead of
short. Thus the nickname Beasty was born. Of course while telling the
story, one of the Cardiologists overheard and commented, "Don't worry, it's
just Bitch for short." I knew then I really belonged, because that doctor
either ignored you, or picked on you. Once picked on, you were a true staff
member. So I was Beasty to most folks, which was OK because sometimes I
could be a real "beast." LOL! So that's it, in a nutshell, or not.

Betsy
--
Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with
ketchup.


  #129  
Old June 29th 03, 06:46 PM
CME
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Divorced mom of two


"turtledove" wrote in message
. com...

"CME" wrote in message
...

"turtledove" wrote in message
. com...

"CME" wrote in message
...

"turtledove" wrote in message
. com...

"CME" wrote in message
...

"Kristen313" wrote in message
...
My advice is to develop thicker skin



Ahhh... now my heart's gone all mushy. lmao So Bri, I've been in

and
out
for awhile, did you move to Las Vegas? How are things?

Christine

Nope...not yet. Hopefully we'll be there at the end of August. Now

we're
just trying to pack and get the house ready to put it on the market.

We
may
even have someone interested in it already....my son's best friend's

mother
is wanting to get out of her apartment and be a first time home buyer.

Our
place is in the subdivision she wants, she knows the house, and knows

us
well enough to know we'll have everything top notch in order to sell

it...so
(fingers crossed) she's looking to make sure she's got her finances in

order
to prepare to be a home owner!

Things are going okay..just busy. DS passed his test and is being

promoted
to fourth grade. My husband has some steady work. School is doing

much
better than I ever thought it would. And...if the weather holds out my
husband is going to take me to Key West next week for one last visit

before
we head west. Key West is our piece of heaven on earth. It's hard to
explain...but it holds a special place in our hearts. It was our

first
big
date, and it's always been the place we go when we really need to get

our
personal lives in order. He took me there a few months after the

accident
as well...it really boosted my spirits. Something about the sea air

and
the
laid back mood of the island. I love old time Florida. I miss living

next
to the ocean (raised down the coast from Cape Kennedy....think I Dream

of
Jeannie houses...I grew up on and near Patrick AFB where the show was
filmed). I'm really going to miss my home and this is sorta our last
'hooray' before the big move.......

sigh....

how have YOU been? What have you been up to?

hugs,
*bri


Not a damn thing, I've been on vacation and it's nice, but boring. I'm
catching up on Y&R, doing some pleasure reading (Outlander series, I

bought
the new Harry Potter etc) and just plain taking it easy so I can hit the
books hard core in the fall. Brian's good, the kids are great,

everything
is pretty good. One thing that I'm finding complicated is making the
transition from online relationship to reality... any advice on that

front?
lol

Christine



yeah, keep the online relationship going as well. My hubby and I still

do.
Of course, not as much...but even though the computers are only about 10
feet away, we still send a lot of emails and are involved with each

other's
online activities.

It took awhile for us to be able to open up face to face as we did email

to
email....but we did and we're better for it. In fact, when he's upset he

is
forbidden to WRITE me about it...he has to TELL me....

One day at a time, one step in front of the other, we just clicked at the
beginning...we've had some really rough patches, but we realize we've been
through a rather difficult year in general. He has a better understanding
of how my injury affected (effected?) my personality a bit better and he's
learned to work around it. I'm quite ADD now and my emotions still ride

on
the surface pretty easy....so he's had to adjust to this new me as much as

I
have. But we're going good (finally!!)

oh yeah, make time for just the two of you. Even if it's only for 15
minutes at a time. Just time where you can look at him and each of you

know
how much you appreciate each other.

hugs,
*bri


Hmmm yeah we should continue the online thing. I think what's difficult
for him at times is that I'm not always this funny witty all-that kindof
woman... I do laundry, sit and read, I can be pretty boring because hell my
life can be hectic, and bloody hell, I'm on vacation! He's in for a rude
awakening when Fall Semester hits. lol I mean, I'm purposely trying to take
it easy meanwhile he's working (but not supporting us, but I still think
he's a tad annoyed because he hasn't actually seen me during the school year
where I'm active, goal-orientated, he came here while I was on vacation.)
So there's a bit of tension sometimes because I feel guilty about doing
nothing (although I do the laundry, cook and take care of the boys etc, so
in my books it's not entirely nothing.) But on the otherhand, I know I need
the break because I was severly burnt out last semester and I can not let
that happen this term.
Anyways, we're starting to work things out because it was a difficult
transition to make. Sometimes I find he's changed, other times he's my best
friend, sometimes I feel we have nothing in common, and other times just him
walking in the door makes me smile. Errrrr my life is full of
contradictions. lol I think what's difficult for me is that I talked to him
for 6 months online and over the phone... we'd talk for hours, he knows me
better than anyone so when he got here, it was like a blind date, only it
wasn't... and then for about a week or so there was this honeymoon period,
and a month later it's like we've been married for 20 years. We seem to
have skipped a step, a step I think is vital because although I do know him,
realistically I don't. Do you know what I mean? I've talked to friends
about this, but they can't really help me because they've never been there.
I'm going to give it time so we can both adjust to real life because I do
want this to work, I want him in my life... but I'm starting to wonder if I
can spend the rest of my life, with this man, in that way. I feel like
we're friends, more than anything, and is that enough for me? I don't know.
Ahhh sorry guys for the incoherent ramblings. lol I'm just unloading what I
feel, ANY advice would be appreciated.

Christine


  #130  
Old June 29th 03, 07:03 PM
turtledove
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Divorced mom of two


"CME" wrote in message
...

"turtledove" wrote in message
. com...

"CME" wrote in message
...

"turtledove" wrote in message
. com...

"CME" wrote in message
...

"turtledove" wrote in message
. com...

"CME" wrote in message
...

"Kristen313" wrote in message
...
My advice is to develop thicker skin


Hmmm yeah we should continue the online thing. I think what's

difficult
for him at times is that I'm not always this funny witty all-that kindof
woman... I do laundry, sit and read, I can be pretty boring because hell

my
life can be hectic, and bloody hell, I'm on vacation! He's in for a rude
awakening when Fall Semester hits. lol I mean, I'm purposely trying to

take
it easy meanwhile he's working (but not supporting us, but I still think
he's a tad annoyed because he hasn't actually seen me during the school

year
where I'm active, goal-orientated, he came here while I was on vacation.)
So there's a bit of tension sometimes because I feel guilty about doing
nothing (although I do the laundry, cook and take care of the boys etc, so
in my books it's not entirely nothing.) But on the otherhand, I know I

need
the break because I was severly burnt out last semester and I can not let
that happen this term.
Anyways, we're starting to work things out because it was a difficult
transition to make. Sometimes I find he's changed, other times he's my

best
friend, sometimes I feel we have nothing in common, and other times just

him
walking in the door makes me smile. Errrrr my life is full of
contradictions. lol I think what's difficult for me is that I talked to

him
for 6 months online and over the phone... we'd talk for hours, he knows me
better than anyone so when he got here, it was like a blind date, only it
wasn't... and then for about a week or so there was this honeymoon period,
and a month later it's like we've been married for 20 years. We seem to
have skipped a step, a step I think is vital because although I do know

him,
realistically I don't. Do you know what I mean? I've talked to friends
about this, but they can't really help me because they've never been

there.
I'm going to give it time so we can both adjust to real life because I do
want this to work, I want him in my life... but I'm starting to wonder if

I
can spend the rest of my life, with this man, in that way. I feel like
we're friends, more than anything, and is that enough for me? I don't

know.
Ahhh sorry guys for the incoherent ramblings. lol I'm just unloading what

I
feel, ANY advice would be appreciated.

Christine



I SOOOOOOOO understand where you are coming from. Friendship is very
important. And yes, it does seem as if you 'skip' a step online. I think
it's because you do a lot of the mental bonding with no physical
bonding....so when the physical bonding comes (and I'm not talking sex, I'm
talking everything else) it's almost scary in a way. Emotionally
overwhelming at times. So when you run the gamant of emotions that one has
with a partner from annoyance or anger to happiness and ecstacy...your highs
are higher than expected, and the lows can take your breath away as
well....because you didn't bond with him emotionally and physically at the
same time..

did that make any sense whatsoever?

I think time will tell. Cammy and I dated for over 2 years before we got
married. We didn't live together, but we may as well have....we were
together 80% of the time. Remember you skipped the dating part of the
relationship. You dated online and on the phone, but not face to face.

Another thing, I was very much used to being a homebody and I'm extremely
independent. Allowing myself to completely fall for someone was extremely
hard for me. Once bitten twice shy and all that. Remember to acknowledge
the fact that you deserve happiness with someone....Doing that is hard.
Allowing yourself to 'let go' with someone is scary...and even after 4 years
with him is still scary at times. As single parents we build up many walls
that we may not realize. Allow yourself to be happy. Don't be afraid.
Enjoy your life.

feel free to write me anytime if you want. brianne at alpha66 dot com or
pharmchic at hotmail dot com.

hugs,
*bri


 




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