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  #41  
Old December 4th 03, 03:22 PM
Vickychick
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Default Dr. Phil

"CME" wrote in message news:LW4zb.92095$oN2.54527@edtnps84...
"Andrew" wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...


the man is more
likely to take time for himself then the women.



moms tend to think the family will cease to
exist without them there to control it?

T



Ahhh marriage, the coming together of a male idle b*stard and a female
egotistical maniac. Sheer bliss.
;-) LOL

(its humor, so any and all attacks will be completely ignored)

Andrew


Hey... that's Ms. Ego Maniac to you.

Christine


Self indulging b*stard better and feministic self love?
hee hee.
V
  #42  
Old December 4th 03, 03:25 PM
Vickychick
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Default Dr. Phil

"CME" wrote in message news:cBPyb.230510$jy.97087@clgrps13...
'Kate wrote in message ...
On 1 Dec 2003 06:42:46 -0800, (Vickychick)
I saw a Dr. Phil the other night. It was a mother they revisited who
has been in therapy. Her own daughter called her a monster, due to her
horrible parenting style. But there was hope and she found it. It was
amazing to see mom taking time out for herself. I think doing too much
makes mothers more prone to fussiness and breakdowns. Any thoughts?
Vicky
(who takes time outs when "I" am angry.)


Mothers are judged to a different standard than fathers. Because we
expect less from fathers, even the word "fathering" means fewer things,
fewer expectations than the word "mothering", then mothers will feel as
if there aren't enough hours in the day. Until the responsibilities of
the roles are truly equal with respect to responsibilities (income,
childcare, and housework), then mothers will continue to forego taking
time out for themselves. Fathers seem to be more able to do this. They
take the time that they need and then give to others. Perhaps it's
because of the way that we think of fathers. Their traditional role is
as income producer whereas mothers have traditionally taken care of
everything else regarding home and family. I can only theorize that the
idea of motherhood and fatherhood must change to catch up to the
economic changes in the operation of the family.

'Kate


I'm with you on this one Kate. I found that living with someone else
created more problems than helped ease them. I found I was doing even more
work, whereas that other person could have helped out more. I think when
it's just me, I have only myself to count on, and when I was living with
someone else, their expectations weren't in line with mine (clean house,
laundry done, the basics really). *sigh* I want to be in a relationship
where it's based on equality. I find that typically, even though I was
working or going to school full-time that *I* was still responsible for the
household duties and let me tell you, that didn't fly for very long. lol

Christine



As it should be. A friend describes her hubby as another child. That is sad.
Kudos to you for not settling for less than what you want.
(you know how I feel about shacking anyway...)
V
  #43  
Old December 4th 03, 03:30 PM
Vickychick
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Default Dr. Phil

oaway (Joelle) wrote in message ...
I think Paul has a point about how a lot of women have higher
standards about housekeeping than men. So they don't give men credit for

what
they do, or they complain and criticize what they do and so they don't do

it.


So rather than talk about what is going on, they withdraw help to teach
the little woman a lesson?

Well that really puts it back on men to look at it that way. I doubt they are
thinking about "teaching her a lesson" - my guess is, they don't like being
criticized so they don't do it. Kids are like that. People are like that.
Yea, talking about it helps. I'm just offering the counter to the stereotype
that "men never help around the house" with the other side that when they do,
it's often not good enough.

I think there's a power thing going on, women still want to be "in charge" of
the housework and want to set the standards. But if it really is a shared
responsiblity, then you have to agree on the standards as well.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle



So right. You must have patience. I am now teaching J and C to iron. I
want them to be self sufficient when they are in college, etc. I have
set up the washing machine to arrows and stickers...put arrow
here....and a direction sheet nearby. Of course, we discussed the
dangers of the equipment too. It is supervised, but one day it won't
be.
BOTH a male and female child are doing the same chores and I do not
label them as "male or female" roles. That does not fly in my home.
V
  #44  
Old December 4th 03, 04:03 PM
Tiffany
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Default Dr. Phil


Vickychick wrote in message
om...
"Tiffany" wrote in message

...


I am not sure if the original post was on single parenting but I like to

add
that ALL parents fall into that trap of being to giving of themselves.



Of course, but my original post is geared towards single parents,
hence the newsgroup title.

Of
what I see around me and in my profession, it is not more or less of a
single parenting thing. It is a parenting issue.


Very much, but with a two parent household, functioning within normal
limits, I see the stress is lessened. With a single person, you have
to depend on family, friends, ex's to ease up some stress.

I also will add, that in
homes where there are two parents, it seems to me that the man is more
likely to take time for himself then the women.


That is not always true. The guy I am dating is a single dad and he is
not taking too much time for himself. I think that is generalizing
men.


But your case is different... he is a single dad..... my comment was
concerning 2 parent homes.


T



  #45  
Old December 4th 03, 07:09 PM
Andrew
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Default Dr. Phil


"Vickychick" wrote in message
om...
oaway (Joelle) wrote in message

...
I think Paul has a point about how a lot of women have higher
standards about housekeeping than men. So they don't give men credit

for
what
they do, or they complain and criticize what they do and so they don't

do
it.


So rather than talk about what is going on, they withdraw help to teach
the little woman a lesson?

Well that really puts it back on men to look at it that way. I doubt

they are
thinking about "teaching her a lesson" - my guess is, they don't like

being
criticized so they don't do it. Kids are like that. People are like

that.
Yea, talking about it helps. I'm just offering the counter to the

stereotype
that "men never help around the house" with the other side that when

they do,
it's often not good enough.

I think there's a power thing going on, women still want to be "in

charge" of
the housework and want to set the standards. But if it really is a

shared
responsiblity, then you have to agree on the standards as well.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle



So right. You must have patience. I am now teaching J and C to iron. I
want them to be self sufficient when they are in college, etc. I have
set up the washing machine to arrows and stickers...put arrow
here....and a direction sheet nearby. Of course, we discussed the
dangers of the equipment too. It is supervised, but one day it won't
be.
BOTH a male and female child are doing the same chores and I do not
label them as "male or female" roles. That does not fly in my home.
V


I have to say though that the roles still play a 'role' in my life. I have a
tendency to define myself as a man by my ability to look after my family,
and in this context look after generally means financial and
confrontational. I need to be able to provide enough money to keep my family
well, if anyone hassles any of my immediate circle then it is my role to
confront the 'hassler' and take some remedial action. This may only mean
taking the little brat to its mother and telling the mother that an apology
to my child might be in order in addition to some proper discipline at home
(or it could mean the Charles Bronson I'll come after you guys route, don't
know, in the four and a half year old circles not many gangsters or murders
as yet!) and I do tend to think of more household responsibilities when I
think of the female role. In practice, though, what each party does in any
relationship I have been involved in tends to be sort of mutually agreed
even if some of it just sort of happens like the potato peeling turning into
my responsibility (as I said I like it cos I find it easy, I'm really quick
and if I'm doing that I can't be given any other jobs I consider to be
lousy). In some ways single parent hood has been good in that its certainly
taught me a lot and I can do all the jobs required, know what is involved in
each so I know when and where sacrifices are being made. HanK is right in
that in some ways it is easier when there is no negotiation, you just get on
with all the jobs and make all the decisions, however it is also hard in
that there is lots to be done to bring a child up and I do think 2 would be
better. Sorry, rambling, good old Budweiser time outs! Anyhoo, with what I
know now and have been through I think I am a better person and a better
parent

Andrew

PS (still not tempted to buy an animated T shirt to go with my inspirational
emails though!)


  #46  
Old December 4th 03, 09:24 PM
kat
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Dr. Phil (going off topic with story of supper the other night...)


"Andrew" wrote in message ...

I have to say though that the roles still play a 'role' in my life. I have

a
tendency to define myself as a man by my ability to look after my family,
and in this context look after generally means financial and
confrontational. I need to be able to provide enough money to keep my

family
well, if anyone hassles any of my immediate circle then it is my role to
confront the 'hassler' and take some remedial action. This may only mean
taking the little brat to its mother and telling the mother that an

apology
to my child might be in order in addition to some proper discipline at

home


AHH HAHAHAHA!
Reminds me:
The other day, we went out for dinner to that Chuck E Cheese place... Brand
new one opened up here a few months ago, and I haven't been to that place
for probably well over 10 years... (I loved Bullwinkles, which also shut
down years ago, but Chuck E Cheese was a place we went to very seldom)
Anyways, we got there, ate disgusting food, then played the games. B was
happy to play in the tunnels that ran up on the ceiling, and as I was off
acting 12, playing the games, trying and trying to get as many tickets as
possible, my mom was in that play area with B. I came back to reality and
my mom standing there, and she was laughing to herself. At first, I thought
she'd gone insane. Then she told me that the girl standing behind us a bit
came crying out of the tunnels and slide and ran to her mom to cry about
Bran in the tunnels trying to scare her. Ok, I figured this girl was about
5, and then the mom came over and said to my mom, "the little boy you are
with - my daughter came out and told me he was trying to scare her." I
looked at this woman. My mom said, that's your daughter over there? My
grandson is only 2 years old! (3 in a couple months, anyways, but still
only 2 :Þ lol) and the woman looked shocked, and was like, "He's only 2?
Oh, I thought he was way older and crawling around in the tunnels scaring
all the kids! She just couldn't get over it that he was not even 3 and her
daughter came out crying over that. She then said that it was her
daughter's 6th birthday and she was having her party here. It was just so
damn funny... We couldn't stop laughing. The headlines for Chuck E Cheese:
Girl, 6, terrified and tormented by almost 3 year old boy in tunnels!
Haha sorry, totally off topic, but what you said just reminded me of that
woman from the other night.


--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

snip


  #47  
Old December 6th 03, 12:28 AM
Andrew
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Dr. Phil (going off topic with story of supper the other night...)


"kat" wrote in message
news:YJMzb.12682$bC.5287@clgrps13...

"Andrew" wrote in message ...

I have to say though that the roles still play a 'role' in my life. I

have
a
tendency to define myself as a man by my ability to look after my

family,
and in this context look after generally means financial and
confrontational. I need to be able to provide enough money to keep my

family
well, if anyone hassles any of my immediate circle then it is my role to
confront the 'hassler' and take some remedial action. This may only mean
taking the little brat to its mother and telling the mother that an

apology
to my child might be in order in addition to some proper discipline at

home


AHH HAHAHAHA!
Reminds me:
The other day, we went out for dinner to that Chuck E Cheese place...

Brand
new one opened up here a few months ago, and I haven't been to that place
for probably well over 10 years... (I loved Bullwinkles, which also shut
down years ago, but Chuck E Cheese was a place we went to very seldom)
Anyways, we got there, ate disgusting food, then played the games. B was
happy to play in the tunnels that ran up on the ceiling, and as I was off
acting 12, playing the games, trying and trying to get as many tickets as
possible, my mom was in that play area with B. I came back to reality and
my mom standing there, and she was laughing to herself. At first, I

thought
she'd gone insane. Then she told me that the girl standing behind us a

bit
came crying out of the tunnels and slide and ran to her mom to cry about
Bran in the tunnels trying to scare her. Ok, I figured this girl was

about
5, and then the mom came over and said to my mom, "the little boy you are
with - my daughter came out and told me he was trying to scare her." I
looked at this woman. My mom said, that's your daughter over there? My
grandson is only 2 years old! (3 in a couple months, anyways, but still
only 2 :Þ lol) and the woman looked shocked, and was like, "He's only 2?
Oh, I thought he was way older and crawling around in the tunnels scaring
all the kids! She just couldn't get over it that he was not even 3 and her
daughter came out crying over that. She then said that it was her
daughter's 6th birthday and she was having her party here. It was just so
damn funny... We couldn't stop laughing. The headlines for Chuck E

Cheese:
Girl, 6, terrified and tormented by almost 3 year old boy in tunnels!
Haha sorry, totally off topic, but what you said just reminded me of that
woman from the other night.


Several thoughts:

OMG. you mean Chuck E Cheese is a real thing???!!? I thought it was just a
facetious name in a novel I've been reading recently. That's scary. Don't
know what else you guys are up to that side of the water but stop it now! I
sincerely hope 'Chuck E Cheese' is not a black tie establishment.

"Kat (slap face, slap face, slap face, throw water on head) get a grip girl!
It's OK. We're here for you. Stick with the program. We kicked off with Dr
Phil remember? Breath deep and try to focus" (the drugs do work!) LOL. O
dear, lost the plot entirely. :-)

How come everyone elses smileys look better than mine? Is it real or just a
self esteem thing?

Why am I still seeing this stuff about top posting below? Is there some kind
of message here? See if I peel your potatoes!!!



--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

snip




  #48  
Old December 6th 03, 12:31 AM
Andrew
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Dr. Phil (going off topic with story of supper the other night...)


"kat" wrote in message
news:YJMzb.12682$bC.5287@clgrps13...

"Andrew" wrote in message ...



AHH HAHAHAHA!


Haha sorry, totally off topic, but what you said just reminded me of that
woman from the other night.



"Barman, I'll have one of what she's drinking!"
;-)


  #49  
Old December 6th 03, 05:37 PM
turtledove
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Posts: n/a
Default Dr. Phil


'Kate wrote in message ...
On Tue, 2 Dec 2003 08:50:50 -0500, "Tiffany"

Joelle wrote in message
...


When they should be grateful that he ever lifted a finger to do
something to contribute? This may surprise you but some men know darn
well that if they shrink a few sweaters or put something dark in the
white wash a few times, that will be the last time they are ever asked
to do laundry in the house.

'Kate


Nope, not me. He ruined several of my work clothes by drying them on high
(can we say SHRINK? They were dry clean only). Now he's just not allowed
to was MY clothes. He still washes his and DS. AND he takes care of the
kitchen for me when he's not working
:-D!!!

hugs,
*b


  #50  
Old December 6th 03, 06:21 PM
Dennis Here
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Posts: n/a
Default Dr. Phil


CME wrote in message ...

'Kate wrote in message

There are, of course, exceptional men and women who shared duties from
the start or have adopted non-traditional roles by choice.


Yeah and where can I meet them??? lol



I'll collect you from Dublin airport ;-)

Dennis


 




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