Sick of the horror stories!

Elric wrote:
So I'm having a great pregnancy all around, but since I want to give
birth in a birth center instead of a hospital, people are using my
private choice to tell me the absolute worst birth horror stories I've
ever had to deal with in my life!

I heard some great horror stories. I think I was a bit too confident
though, and guessed that I would have an easy birth, based on my body shape
(great child-bearing hips!), and the fact that easy births seem to run in my
family. When people insisted on telling me what happened to them, I
pretended to listen politely (in fact most of it went in one ear and out the
other) but I sifted out the advice that I thought might actually be useful.

And actually, the worst stories I have heard are from those who had hospital
births! People who have had home births or birthing centre births seem to
be so much better.

Good luck with things! (BTW, I had a 6 1/2 hour labour, that included about
an hour of pushing. Imagine if I'd got the hang of it earlier!!)

Cathy

"Elric" wrote in message
om...
Anyone been there/currently there now with this one? I'd be interested
to hear what you all have to say.

Thanks,
H

I hear you. This past Friday my husband and I went to discuss some
financial stuff and the woman who was our helping us out decided to regal me
with two horror stories (one including a C section done by a Greek doctor on
Crete !?!?). I had to let it wash over me, but by the time we got done food
shopping later on, I was really upset. I wish I had said something at the
time and if someone does start to mention tell me some stories, I *will*
have to say something.

For some reason people feel that pregnant women just *need* to hear the
good, the bad, and the ugly with an emphasis on the last two.

You aren't alone.

H,
My husband is a very sensible person, and as I started hearing horror
stories literally immediately upon telling people I am pregnant (one
woman: "How wonderful! Congratulations! One of my twins was born blue
with the cord around his neck and apgar zero!" Ack! *This* is the
congratulations I get??) he keeps saying to me, "Everything you hear is
anecdotal." Which is true! Just because it was their experience doesn't
mean that it will be my experience. As long as my doctor keeps saying
everything is fine I'll just say "That must have been horrible for you!"
when I hear these stories and go my merry way. I bet if you had the
opportunity to interview other mothers who used the birth center you'd
find that the majority of them had happy experiences with no
problems....otherwise, how could the center stay in business?

Congratulations on your great pregnancy. I'm sure you'll do fine.
Mothers who tell horror stories are like old soldiers comparing war
wounds...they have a common bond forged in the heat of battle. They're
just welcoming you into the club, in a rather scary, indelicate way.
Just remember that the boring, normal labor stories, just like the
stories from the troops who don't see much action, aren't as exciting to
tell

Best,
Rebecca

Elric wrote:

So I'm having a great pregnancy all around, but since I want to give
birth in a birth center instead of a hospital, people are using my
private choice to tell me the absolute worst birth horror stories I've
ever had to deal with in my life!

Finally, I told a family friend (who was convinced that if I heard her
horror story, I would give up the birth center plan immediately) the
following:

1) No horror story will change my mind, I like my doctor (she will be
there, with another experienced OB/GYN, for the entire natural
childbirth. For whatever reason, this place doesn't use midwives), and
I like the center. It's a personal, loving, positive place where I
never feel poked, prodded, or treated like an idiot. My doctor wants
me to make a birth plan, and she's committed to using it. What more
could I ask for?

2) Being pregnant, I tend to overreact a little, and I don't want to
hear horror stories that might freak me out. I am well aware that I
might end up with a very different birth from the one I am planning,
and I am absoultely fine with that. Things happen. I just can't stand
it when practically EVERYONE I know thinks I'm doing serious harm to
my baby and/or myself because of this very personal choice.

Then again, they can think it, it's just that how do I keep people's
mouths shut while still maintaining friendships? I'm only at 23 weeks
(and can you tell this is my first pregnancy?), I've got a long way to
go, and any advice you can all give me about how to handle these
people would be appreciated.

One solution I've come up with so far is to let people say whatever
awful things they want, let them think I've taken them seriously, and
then allow it to flow right past me. I just know that when I've tried
this in the past, I get just as stressed out than if I tell people to
keep their horror stories to themselves. Sigh.

Anyone been there/currently there now with this one? I'd be interested
to hear what you all have to say.

Thanks,
H

Cathy wrote:

And actually, the worst stories I have heard are from those who had hospital
births! People who have had home births or birthing centre births seem to
be so much better.

Yeah, I think that's the great irony ;-) If you count
up the birthing stories, I think the overwhelming majority
of out-of-hospital births are presented as happy stories,
and the overwhelming majority of the horror stories are
planned hospital births. Now, that is somewhat skewed
because the vast majority of births are planned hospital
births to begin with, plus any birth involving an induction
is going to be a hospital birth. Still, if I were going
to make a decision based purely on what location seemed
to generate the best birth stories, it'd have to be a
homebirth ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

H,
My husband is a very sensible person, and as I started hearing horror
stories literally immediately upon telling people I am pregnant (one
woman: "How wonderful! Congratulations! One of my twins was born blue
with the cord around his neck and apgar zero!" Ack! *This* is the
congratulations I get??) he keeps saying to me, "Everything you hear is
anecdotal." Which is true! Just because it was their experience doesn't
mean that it will be my experience.

Very true.


As long as my doctor keeps saying
everything is fine I'll just say "That must have been horrible for you!"
when I hear these stories and go my merry way.

Good advice.

I bet if you had the
opportunity to interview other mothers who used the birth center you'd
find that the majority of them had happy experiences with no
problems....otherwise, how could the center stay in business?

Hehe, true.

Congratulations on your great pregnancy. I'm sure you'll do fine.
Mothers who tell horror stories are like old soldiers comparing war
wounds...they have a common bond forged in the heat of battle. They're
just welcoming you into the club, in a rather scary, indelicate way.
Just remember that the boring, normal labor stories, just like the
stories from the troops who don't see much action, aren't as exciting to
tell

Best,
Rebecca

Lol! love it!

I had a crappy 3rd birth but I'd hardly tell that to *anyone* unless they
asked, and certainly not a first time mom. My births won't be her births so
what's the point in freaking her out?

Sophie
#4 due July 7, 2004

Elric writes:

: Anyone been there/currently there now with this one? I'd be interested
: to hear what you all have to say.

All the reputable medical studies that have been done in the last 20
years has overwhelming shown that for a normal pregnancy without risk
factors, what your are planning is *SAFER* than hospital birth.

I would suggest:
Learning the statistics,
Responding with "Oh, didn't you know that birth center birth is safer
than hospital birth for an uncomplicated pregnancy, which mine is."
Then if they question your statement, start spouting statistics at them.

Works for me! :-)
Larry

You know something funny? I was just reading a book called Misconceptions by
Naomi Wolf (a feminist writer) who said that all her friends were upset with
other women who glorified motherhood and birth and never told them how
difficult it could all be. They said they would rather have heard the "horror
stories" going in so that they would have been more prepared for the
difficulties they faced, that they would have known it wasn't just them having
problems, that they weren't somehow abnormal.

Just thought I'd throw that out there, FWIW.

Leslie

In article , joybelle15
@hotmail.com says...

"Kim E." wrote:
Hi - sorry to hear you are having those experiences, I have had similar
ones. I will be delivering at a hospital, but am preparing for a
natural childbirth and boy do people love to be negative about it. I
have thought about saying "Do you enjoy raining on people's parades in
general, or just pregnant women?" I mean, do these people stand in
parking lots and tell gruesome car accident stories as people get into
their cars?? Do they sit outside restaurants and grocery stores and
tell food poisoning stories??

hmmmm... there are people like that! There are the people who have some
wonderful stories about flying. Or how about when you are going to go
through a surgery you are nervous about anyway, and you are told the tale of
a botched surgery? (happened to my dear mom) I think some people like to
share the worst possible scenarios... Don't know why exactly. It seems some
people thrive on negativity and the worst that can happen. Watch the news
much?!

Good point!

I have had two homebirths, and I got to hear my share of horror stories
while pregnant. I guess they didn't bother me too much because some people
just simply cared about me and were sharing their fears and concerns. As
for the others who just found glee in sharing the negativity I'd either give
them a couple of negative stories of my own that I'd read or heard (which
seemed to leave them at a loss of words as to why I was still planning a
homebirth) or I'd just say something like, "That's nice, but that's only one
story amidst many, many positive ones. " And I'd go on to share the
positive ones. I was quite comfortable with my decision and their stories
didn't apply to me.

You have an excellent attitude, are you always so imperturbable!?!

-kim

In article , says...
Cathy wrote:

And actually, the worst stories I have heard are from those who had hospital
births! People who have had home births or birthing centre births seem to
be so much better.

Yeah, I think that's the great irony ;-) If you count
up the birthing stories, I think the overwhelming majority
of out-of-hospital births are presented as happy stories,
and the overwhelming majority of the horror stories are
planned hospital births. Now, that is somewhat skewed
because the vast majority of births are planned hospital
births to begin with, plus any birth involving an induction
is going to be a hospital birth. Still, if I were going
to make a decision based purely on what location seemed
to generate the best birth stories, it'd have to be a
homebirth ;-)

I'm sure that is true, partially because I would venture to assume that
people planning a homebirth are really into their pregnancy and excited
about rather than dreading their childbirth. Expectations help create
results. I also assume that a homebirth is one without previously known
complications (i guess midwives would want those done in a hospital).

-kim

"Kim E." wrote in message
a.net...
In article , joybelle15
@hotmail.com says...
I have had two homebirths, and I got to hear my share of horror stories
while pregnant. I guess they didn't bother me too much because some
people
just simply cared about me and were sharing their fears and concerns.
As
for the others who just found glee in sharing the negativity I'd either
give
them a couple of negative stories of my own that I'd read or heard
(which
seemed to leave them at a loss of words as to why I was still planning a
homebirth) or I'd just say something like, "That's nice, but that's only
one
story amidst many, many positive ones. " And I'd go on to share the
positive ones. I was quite comfortable with my decision and their
stories
didn't apply to me.

You have an excellent attitude, are you always so imperturbable!?!

I wish!

--
Joy

Rose 1-30-99
Iris 2-28-01
Spencer 3-12-03