Kat wrote:

Now here's my big problem... How do you decide on a doula? They're all free
of charge, running on a volunteer basis. 2 of them said they would be more
than happy, but one has another client due Feb 3, IIRC, and said if I picked
her, it might be a good idea to have a backup, and another one has a client
due Feb 13, but she has her own backup if needed. The lady that called me
today said she has no other clients due around my EDD, which is Feb 7.
I'm finding that I'm getting fairly nervous about all of this and making
decisions. Something so simple, yet it isn't for me. How do you decide on
one? Do you hold "interviews" and pick which one you like best out of them
all? Eenie, meenie, miney, mo? How do you turn down offers?

Yes, you interview them. If you can do it in person,
that's great, but you should at least have a phone conversation
with them. Hers is a voice you'll be hearing a lot of while
you're at a rather vulnerable time. Is she someone you feel
comfortable with? Someone you'd find soothing? What kinds
of things does she typically do during labor? What do you
typically like in the way of support during labor, and is that
something she's comfortable with? What kind of birth do you
want, and how can she help you achieve that? Is she familiar
with the place you'd be delivering or your OB/midwife/FP?
Where will she likely be traveling from, and is she likely
to be delayed by traffic or distance? I think it is important
to find a doula who shares your ideas about what sort of birth
you want. Some feel very strongly about low intervention
birth and may not be at their best if you want more intervention
than they're comfortable with. Some may be more interventionist
than you are. A true professional should provide excellent care
regardless, but most doulas are at their best when supporting
someone whose philosophy is similar to theirs.

All I'm really concerned about is NOT being left all alone, someone that is
supportive of breastfeeding (which they all seem to be anyways), one that
and just be there to offer support and advice, and even translate any
possible medical or technical terms into simple English. I'm also kind of
feeling that I might be more comfortable with a doula that is a bit younger
and closer to my age. The one I talked to (with a current client due days
before me) sounds very young. She has young children - I think 3 that are
between about 11 months and 4 years)

For her I'd really want to know that she has a reliable
plan for childcare so that she can drop everything and run on
short notice and that she has a backup in case you go into labor
while she's with her other client.

and the other lady I talked to sounds a
lot older... She has 5 grandchildren between 10 and 15 years old but she's
available and has no clients due any time around me.

Age may be an issue, or you might talk to her for a
bit and find that she's very soothing to have around. That
one will just have to be your judgment call.

Another sorta issue is that I know for a fact that my OB is not very
doula-friendly. I recently found out that my OB had a bad experience once
involving a doula, and now her (my OB) opinion is basically, "Do you want a
doctor or do you want a doula?" Quite frankly, it comes down to I do not
want to sit alone in the hospital LOL

Then you will want to place a priority on a doula who
can deal well with your OB so that you're not dealing an OB
with a chip on her shoulder. I'd have a conversation in
advance and tell her that since you don't have any other support,
you are hiring a doula and expect that neither you nor the doula
will get any grief about that.

Again, I just keep thinking about how to pick one... and keep track of all
of the replies and phone calls I get and make. Trying to remember who is
who and all that.

Take notes ;-)

I also kind of feel bad if someone comes over here to
meet with me before I actually pick just one (I realize I can't have 20485
doulas just because they offer and say they're available LOL) for an
interview and to get to know her and talk and then not use her. Like the
time and effort wasting, and I almost feel like I'd be a jerk for not
picking them because they've put in effort and then what? I don't like them
or something??

All doulas should understand that choosing a doula
is very personal. They should expect to be "auditioned"
and they should expect that there will be some potential
clients with whom they just won't click. And believe me,
if you two don't click, they'll be relieved that you don't
hire them. If they're heartbroken at not getting a particular
job, doula-hood is probably not for them ;-)

I know this is rediculous and very stupid, but I'm having some real problems
with it. I also do feel that I should get back to people within the next
couple days at the most and not leave them hanging and hanging... and not
get back to anyone but then make a last second phone call to hope someone
can maybe come last second without even meeting them??

You should arrange a conversation very soon and make
a decision fairly quickly, given how close you are to delivering.
If you want to whittle down the number of conversations you need
to have, trim the list by asking a few things like whether
they're available around your due date, have a backup if they're
not available, live near enough to make it to you in reasonable
time, etc. If you have any history of precipitate labor, you
might want someone who will come to your home and take you to
the hospital and who has training in what to do if the baby
arrives before you get to the hospital.

Good luck!
Ericka