wrote:

My 3-year-old daughter and I are in a wonderful playgroup that we've
been attending since her birth. We've been meeting one weekday morning
a week, plus having once-a-month "mom's night out" dinners.

Most of the group is stay-at-home moms, with several of us working part
time. For the past 3 years, we've all been arranging our schedules
around this group because we really want to stick together. Some of use
schedule our work schedules around it, we don't take certain classes
because of the conflict, and so on.

Next fall, nearly all the children are starting preschool. Some will go
Mon/Wed/Fri and some Tues/Thurs, which means there is no day we can
continue meeting when most people can come.

Have you been in a playgroup like this that survived preschool and
stayed in close touch? Any tips on how to do this?

We're spread over a fairly large geographical area, so we don't
generally all run into each other as part of other community events or
organizations.

We've considered:
-- we will definately will keep having the mom's night outs, but we
don't think that will be enough to maintain the cohesiveness we have
now.
-- We might have 2 playdates a week, one for each sub-group. We worry
that this will deteriorate -- if we have a bunch of weeks where only 2
or 3 people show up, it will probably fall apart.
-- We talked about meeting in the afternoons, but most of the
3-year-old nap then. Many people have younger kids too, who will be
napping for years to come.
-- meet occasionally on the weekend. Again, afraid attendance will be
low.

Any experience? We have about 12 kids in the group. The weekly
playgroups usually have 3-9 kids each time now.

It's a very difficult struggle. You can keep it
going if the group is motivated, but you have to change.
You probably will have to go to multiple formats, and also
tolerate that people will go through phases of not being
able to come. Things will change again as kids move into
elementary school. You have to keep evolving. My
suggestions:

1) Keep mom's night out once a month. You'd be surprised
how effective it is.
2) You might have success with a later afternoon playgroup
(after nap--can make the witching hour easier ;-) ).
You could even follow up with plans to head to a nearby
family-friendly restaurant afterwards for those who
are interested and don't feel like going home to cook
dinner.
3) Maybe add a once a month family activity. Rotate around
who plans the event--could be games night, pool day,
cornfield maze, paint-your-own pottery, park, petting
zoo, kids museum, etc.
4) Start thinking about a transition plan for school-aged
kids. Here, our playgroup eventually moved to Monday
afternoons because the elementary schools have half days
on Mondays. People with nappers sometimes can work the
nap around the Monday afternoon and sometimes can't
(I can't right now, so I'm a no-show most weeks), but
it works for the most part. The post-nap time may not
work at that point, as many kids may start to have
activities then.
5) It helps if you have some means of communication--mailing
list, newsletter, whatever.

Especially once kids hit school age, you have to accept
that people aren't going to be able to plan around it
all the time. Kids get interested in activities, and
there will always be folks who have conflicts with
specific days. You'll never satisfy everyone. Mom's
Night Out and the weekend activities will then be the
main interaction for some folks. Since you have distance
to contend with, it's possible that the weekday stuff
will eventually break down (our playgroup is all in the
neighborhood, and the bus stop is a major factor in
keeping folks together). The monthly activities are
easier for folks to work around. We tweak Mom's Night
Out about once a year to try to find the best time,
since it changes.

You might also think about bringing in new members.
Over time, you will inevitably lose people, and if
you are never bringing in new people, it becomes a
downward spiral.

Best wishes,
Ericka