troublesome teenager

Hello. I am new to this group but looking at some of the posts I hope
someone may be able to help. I am struggling with knowing what to do
in a situation that is difficult. My 14 year old son is taking more
and more of an interest in women's clothes, even mine. I have always
let him play with the toys that he wanted and never forced boys toys
on him if be was not interested. He has boy and girl friends at school
but no regular girfriend. I buy him the clothes he wants or else he
will not wear them. Recently he has gone `emo' and taken to wearing
clothes that he says he likes even if they do not go together. It
started with colourful socks, pink and yellow and blue, and now floral
shirts. He is showing a definite liking for more and more feminie wear
and jokingly asked at the weekend if I could buy some girls pants for
him. I think he has been rummaging in my clothes drawers too as I have
noticed some things out of place. I have always been open minded with
him and allowed him to be himself but I don't want him to be teased or
bullied. I see little harm either if this is just a phase he is going
through. Has anyone any ideas as I am so unsure about what to do. I
have tried to talk with him but he clams up. Louise

On Wed, 15 Aug 2007 08:26:55 EDT, "louise.ann.johnson"
wrote:

Hello. I am new to this group but looking at some of the posts I hope
someone may be able to help. I am struggling with knowing what to do
in a situation that is difficult. My 14 year old son is taking more
and more of an interest in women's clothes, even mine. I have always
let him play with the toys that he wanted and never forced boys toys
on him if be was not interested. He has boy and girl friends at school
but no regular girfriend. I buy him the clothes he wants or else he
will not wear them. Recently he has gone `emo' and taken to wearing
clothes that he says he likes even if they do not go together. It
started with colourful socks, pink and yellow and blue, and now floral
shirts. He is showing a definite liking for more and more feminie wear
and jokingly asked at the weekend if I could buy some girls pants for
him. I think he has been rummaging in my clothes drawers too as I have
noticed some things out of place. I have always been open minded with
him and allowed him to be himself but I don't want him to be teased or
bullied. I see little harm either if this is just a phase he is going
through. Has anyone any ideas as I am so unsure about what to do. I
have tried to talk with him but he clams up. Louise

Colorful socks don't sound very emo. In any event, if you are have no
problem personally with his wanting to wear feminine clothes but are
only worried about him being teased or bulllied, why not buy him the
stuff that he wants but have a talk with him about how kids at school
might react to it and ask if he wants to get more mainstream clothes
for school while allowing him to wear whatever he wants at home. In
the end, even if he wants to wear them at school, it seems to me that
it should be his choice. You want to protect him, but if he chooses
support ahead of protection, give him the support. If you have other
concerns, like that he might have gender identity issues and you don't
know how you feel about that or how to handle it, get professional
help. Those are complex issues to deal with in our society and both
you and your son, and other family members, no doubt, will benefit
from all the support you can get in dealing with it.

--
Paula
"Anyway, other people are weird, but sometimes they have candy,
so it's best to try to get along with them." Joe Bay

On Aug 26, 11:57?pm, Paula wrote:
if you are have no
problem personally with his wanting to wear feminine clothes but are
only worried about him being teased or bulllied, why not buy him the
stuff that he wants but have a talk with him about how kids at school
might react to it and ask if he wants to get more mainstream clothes
for school while allowing him to wear whatever he wants at home. In
the end, even if he wants to wear them at school, it seems to me that
it should be his choice. You want to protect him, but if he chooses
support ahead of protection, give him the support.

I think Paula's right on target. And good for you, Louise, for being
supportive thus far.

If he's been rifling through your things in secret, maybe you can
gently let him know that if he wants to experiment with your things
it's fine, but he should respect your privacy and ask first. Let him
know he can totally be himself at home and that you will follow his
lead in terms of how he much of this he is ready/willing to share
outside the privacy of home.

Our son like to do hair. For now he is convinced (and hey, we live in
a socially conservative part of the south so he's probably right) that
he would be teased for his interest in female hairstyles if his
friends knew. So, at home he experments with styling heads we
purchase for him, and all of that stuff is kept in a plastic tub in a
closet where visiting friends don't see it. As he's gotten a little
older he has let some female friends know that he knows how to braid,
for example, and is quite popular with them as a hair stylist, but
that is his choice. This past summer he sort of interned at my
hairstylist's salon, which is in a neighboring town so he's unlikely
to run into mothers of his friends there.

We've been clear that we think there is nothing at all to be ashamed
of but that we respect his concerns about teasing. Seems to me you
have a little of the reverse -- you are more concerned than your son
about teasing -- but nonetheless I can tell you that by following our
son's lead we have maintained our relationship with him, allowed him
to be himself in private, and kept him from experiencing any teasing
at school.

I realize hairstyling doesn't exactly equal cross dressing, but there
are similarities in the behavior (for example, I'd find my own hair
stuff rifled through just as you're finding your clothes) so I hope
this helps.

-Dawn

On Aug 15, 5:26 am, "louise.ann.johnson"
wrote:
Hello. I am new to this group but looking at some of the posts I hope
someone may be able to help. I am struggling with knowing what to do
in a situation that is difficult. My 14 year old son is taking more
and more of an interest in women's clothes, even mine. I have always
let him play with the toys that he wanted and never forced boys toys
on him if be was not interested. He has boy and girl friends at school
but no regular girfriend. I buy him the clothes he wants or else he
will not wear them. Recently he has gone `emo' and taken to wearing
clothes that he says he likes even if they do not go together. It
started with colourful socks, pink and yellow and blue, and now floral
shirts. He is showing a definite liking for more and more feminie wear
and jokingly asked at the weekend if I could buy some girls pants for
him. I think he has been rummaging in my clothes drawers too as I have
noticed some things out of place. I have always been open minded with
him and allowed him to be himself but I don't want him to be teased or
bullied. I see little harm either if this is just a phase he is going
through. Has anyone any ideas as I am so unsure about what to do. I
have tried to talk with him but he clams up. Louise

i hope that this doesnt throw you off at all, but it soundslike your
son may be gay. Instead of asking him to wear more "mainstream"
clothing, just let him wear what he wants. He's already dealing with
all these new thoughts and emotions, plus he's growing up, so
EVERYTHING is new to him. Just try to be supportive, and let him know
that he has a safe place to decide who he wants to be. When i was in
high school, i wore very bright clothing and had crazy hairdos and now
i'm a hairdresser and am majoring in costume design. Also, after a
lot of years of confusion, I realized that I was gay. I dont know
your stance on homosexuality, and i dont want to tell you what to
think or what to feel, but knowing how hard it was for myself to come
out to my parents, i just encourage you to remember that no matter
what, he is your son and that he loves you and you love him very
much. He just needs some time to figure himself out. Just try to be
supportive in whatever that happens to be.