Proving paternity, but location is unknown.

Hello,

I need advice in gaining custody of my daughter.

Here is a short timeline of events:

My daughter was born without my presence, so my daughter's mom didn't
include me on the legal birth certificate. During the first three
months of the baby's
life, I attempted to support my child by sending small amounts of money
each month. But,
after three months I didn't have any contact with my child or her
mother until my daughter
was 5 months old. During my child's fifth month, I visited with her
mother and my child for
a couple days. After this visit, I made the mistake of choosing not to
continue
having contact with my baby or her mother.

Fast forward to the 10th month. During the tenth month, my baby's mom
moved
from her known address to an unknown address. Since the tenth month,
I've attempted
to contact her, but I have no way of getting a hold of her, or my
daughter. Now that my
circumstances allow me to be a good father, I want to by part of my
daughter's life.
I still have to prove I'm the biological father, so how can I have a
paternity test since I
don't know where my daughter's location is at the moment?

My daughter just turned 1-year old last month.

Thank You,

Richard Johnston.

"Richard" wrote in message
oups.com...
Hello,

I need advice in gaining custody of my daughter.

Here is a short timeline of events:

My daughter was born without my presence, so my daughter's mom didn't
include me on the legal birth certificate. During the first three
months of the baby's
life, I attempted to support my child by sending small amounts of money
each month. But,
after three months I didn't have any contact with my child or her
mother until my daughter
was 5 months old. During my child's fifth month, I visited with her
mother and my child for
a couple days. After this visit, I made the mistake of choosing not to
continue
having contact with my baby or her mother.

Fast forward to the 10th month. During the tenth month, my baby's mom
moved
from her known address to an unknown address. Since the tenth month,
I've attempted
to contact her, but I have no way of getting a hold of her, or my
daughter. Now that my
circumstances allow me to be a good father, I want to by part of my
daughter's life.
I still have to prove I'm the biological father, so how can I have a
paternity test since I
don't know where my daughter's location is at the moment?

My daughter just turned 1-year old last month.

The baby's mother must know you are not the child's biological father or she
would be wanting paternity to be established to get regular child support
payments from you. She is taking steps to alienate you from the child.
Stop trying to prove you are the father and read the tea leaves in her
actions. The mother's behavior clearly shows she knows you are not the
baby's father and/or she doesn't want you in the baby's life.

Richard wrote:
I attempted to support my child by sending small amounts of money
each month.

Richard,
It takes a whole lot more to support a child than small amounts of
money. Money is the least of it. It takes patience, understanding, a
willingness to educate yourself, sleepless nights and interminable
worry, a complete change of lifestyle .... You might even have to give
up your job. Go to baby-swim classes (for example). Go to playgroups.
Decline invitations. And so on and so on. Don't rush into this custody
thing lightly.

But,
After this visit, I made the mistake of choosing not to
continue
having contact with my baby or her mother.

I do understand that (that you regret making that choice) and. . .

Now that my
circumstances allow me to be a good father, I want to by part of my
daughter's life.

I also understand that you want to be part of your daughter's life. But
this can't be limited only to the times when "circumstances allow you
to be a good father". Parenting is forever: if you choose to make
contact with your child (and I believe your daughter has a right to
know her father), then understand this: it's forever. It's for better
or worse, it's not like a marriage, you can't walk away from parenting
when the chips are down or when circumstances don't permit you to be a
good father.

/off soapbox

Now. If you still want to proceed, understand that your daughter has a
right to spend time with and know BOTH parents. Don't go for sole
custody. Go for 50/50 access and work out an arrangement with your ex
where you can share the costs equally, without involving CSA or the
courts. Be adult about it, bear in mind the main protaganist in all
this is your daughter.

And regarding how you track her down - well, try yellow pages, white
pages, family members, hire a detective if necessary.

I wish you good luck and good choices,
Cathryn.

Snip useless info and preachy stuff

Bob has got a point. DO NOT DO THIS WITHOUT A PATERNITY TEST. If your
ex doesn't want you to take one, then you can either make her via a
court order for determination of paternity.

You are not going to get custody unless mom is a crackhead or in jail.
You may not get it then. As far as working out a 50/50 custody
arrangement, that is a nice wish or goal, but your ex may fight it
hard. You will lose this fight. You will most likely get the old 2
weekends a month and summers jazz. You might get less (picture your ex
whining about breastfeeding to a judge). You will have to pay child
support. You may have to pay back child support, this depends on your
state.

If you do nothing, your ex may be able to come back on you and get the
child support one day anyway.

My advice, either take her to court and take your visitation and child
support bill, or inconspicuously (i.e. verbally, face to face,
hopefully not recorded so you can deny it later) offer to sign away
your rights, whatever you choose to do, I would avoid doing nothing,
especially since she may be able to hit your with 18 years of back
child support when your child is 18. She will get this money, not the
child. Just think of it as your exes retirement account. Ask a lawyer
what the maximum years they can go back on child support if she does
this. If it is a long time, do not take this route, life will suck for
you one day.

Oh yeah, get your attorney's opinion in writing, if he is wrong, at
least you might have a malpractice suit against him.