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when one kid is naughty and the other is nice
How do you deal with it if among the siblings one is naughty and the
other is nice? Just curious. Thanks |
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"ted" wrote in message om... How do you deal with it if among the siblings one is naughty and the other is nice? Just curious. Thanks Do you mean continually? Or in one given situation? Or do you mean by your conception, i.e. you have a favourite? If it's just one situation then I think you praise the good behaviour, and discipline (which might mean ignoring) the naughty one. Certainly I remember discovering that a really good way to annoy my siblings was to do something really good (say do the washing up without being asked) when they were being naughty. Continually is more difficult. I know my brother was regarded as "difficult" or "going through an awkward stage" (lasted from age 8 to about 18) and I found it really frustrating that he would get treats by being difficult. For example he didn't really entertain himself so they took him to things that I'd been told that I couldn't. I can see now why they did it, but it did make things hard between us. The problem is that if they'd praised/punished us on the same scale then he'd have constantly been in trouble and hardly ever praised. He always had a bit of a persecution complex so it wouldn't have helped his behaviour. But sometimes I felt he got things just because he made much more fuss if told no. I think if you have a favourite then you must not let it be known by your reactions. After I'd married dh one time I commented once about his parent's favourites and dh not only hadn't noticed, but I don't think he believed me. They do treat them all the same and I only noticed over a length of time, and certain things when added together. HTH Debbie |
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ted ) writes:
| How do you deal with it if among the siblings one is naughty and the | other is nice? Just curious. Stop thinking of them as "the naughty one" and "the nice one" or the good one/the bad one - and for that matter the brain/the jock, the neatnik/the slob, the artist/the scientist, the hard worker/the goof-off, or any other combination where the two are defined by their opposition to one another. It's limiting and harmful to both of them and to you. Start thinking of them as individuals, each of which has their strong points and their weak points. Every single kid has qualities their parents are proud of and qualities that drive their parents nuts - every single one. Encourage the good qualities, do your best to squelch the bad ones - but not by setting them up against one another. - Cindy Kandolf, mamma to Kenneth (10) and Robert (4) ****** Bærum, Norway Bilingual Families Web Page: http://www.nethelp.no/cindy/biling-fam.html |
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"Chookie" wrote in message ... In article , (ted) wrote: How do you deal with it if among the siblings one is naughty and the other is nice? Just curious. I would avoid making simplistic distinctions. It's unlikely one kid is significantly more naughty than the other -- it's probably your perception. Or one is at an age where they are better at pushing your buttons. I would disagree with this. Kids are different and it is certainly possible that one is naughtier than another. For example if I said "no" to #1 as she picked up something then she would put it down and not usually go back to it. At the same age #2 will not only not put it down, but will move cushions, chairs, whatever it takes to climb up to the high place where I've put. And yes she does hear me (she shakes her head if I say "no") and understands (often puts it behind her back, or will pull me over to somewhere else before trying to get it back). At her age (13 months) I wouldn't say that was naughty. But if that was true at 4 years it would be disobedience if nothing else. (Actually I call it determination, and I think it's rather cute:-) ) Some children are more inclined to push the limits than others. Personally, I would try to stop myself from thinking this way -- it leads to favouritism. I would agree with this, and I'd certainly try to avoid labelling them even to myself. Debbie |
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In article ,
"Welches" wrote: I would avoid making simplistic distinctions. It's unlikely one kid is significantly more naughty than the other -- it's probably your perception. Or one is at an age where they are better at pushing your buttons. I would disagree with this. Kids are different and it is certainly possible that one is naughtier than another. Well, it could also be that one is more inclined to (say) disobey an instruction and another is more inclined to hit people. Or that the one who is more compliant now will be less so later on! -- Chookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) "Life is like a cigarette -- smoke it to the butt." -- Harvie Krumpet |
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Hi Ted,
Just wrote a book called "Want Great Kids? It takes Good Parenting!" Hopefully will be available on booksurge.com at the end of next week. Anyway I wrote a chapter on Punishment or Redirecting Bad Behavior. I have a boy and a girl and for years it was a battle until I discovered the perfect equal punishment. Doesn't matter who started it or who finished it...They both do the time! Simply, they get one warning and if they don't stop, it's jumping jack time. Depending on their age, start with 25 and then double each time they misbehave. Chances are the nice one will do it gladly and the not so nice will fight you every step of the way. BUT, eventually they will start working as a team, and it just might stop. My kids learned to get along in a real short period of time. See it through whether it be in the parking lot or at the shopping mall. Worked wonders for me! Need to contact me? : website is: www.wantgreatkids.com Be glad to share information! Penny |
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